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Saturday, March 02, 2002

AM I JEALOUS?

My son and I went to Paradise Beach Resort in Samal Island today. This is where the world famous Pearl Farm is located and the crash site of the ill-fated Air Philippines. For the longest time, this is one of the rare occasions that I get to go out with my son alone and enjoy his company. Frankly, I am amazed how my son is growing so fast each day. He has grown to be so smart and intelligent three year old toddler.

I've been looking after him, chatting while we were eating our "baon" and we had a great day on our own! I was undmindful that the occupants of the table beside us were listening to our conversation and I can just see in their expressions at how they admired my son. A middle-aged woman dared asking me how old is my son and when they knew that he was only three, that put them in awe at how my son can speak good english and throw intelligent questions.

But for some inexplicable reason I ended up in tears, sobbing as I sat on a seat in the table watching him as he plays in the white sugar-fine sand.

Maybe it was his unconstrained glee at splashing the crystal blue waters. Maybe it was the complete trust and optimism in his eyes which touched a nerve in my own psyche...reminded me of the small child inside of me.

Maybe it was just the feeling of loving someone so much....so much more than myself, so completely and utterly that I forgot myself......

Maybe I cried because of the sadness of holding onto myself so much of the time, protecting myself......maybe I was jealous?

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