Friday, February 06, 2004

Hi peeps! I'm back. Hope everything is okay with all of you.

Saturday, April 06, 2002

Life as an ENFP
(Extravert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver)

People of this type tend to be: enthusiastic, talkative, and outgoing; clever, curious, and playful; deeply caring, sensitive, and gentle; highly innovative, creative, optimistic, and unique; adaptable and resourceful but sometimes disorganized.The most important thing to ENFPs is freedom to see possibilities, make connections, and be with a variety of people.

Saturday, March 02, 2002


My son and I went to Paradise Beach Resort in Samal Island today. This is where the world famous Pearl Farm is located and the crash site of the ill-fated Air Philippines. For the longest time, this is one of the rare occasions that I get to go out with my son alone and enjoy his company. Frankly, I am amazed how my son is growing so fast each day. He has grown to be so smart and intelligent three year old toddler.

I've been looking after him, chatting while we were eating our "baon" and we had a great day on our own! I was undmindful that the occupants of the table beside us were listening to our conversation and I can just see in their expressions at how they admired my son. A middle-aged woman dared asking me how old is my son and when they knew that he was only three, that put them in awe at how my son can speak good english and throw intelligent questions.

But for some inexplicable reason I ended up in tears, sobbing as I sat on a seat in the table watching him as he plays in the white sugar-fine sand.

Maybe it was his unconstrained glee at splashing the crystal blue waters. Maybe it was the complete trust and optimism in his eyes which touched a nerve in my own psyche...reminded me of the small child inside of me.

Maybe it was just the feeling of loving someone so much....so much more than myself, so completely and utterly that I forgot myself......

Maybe I cried because of the sadness of holding onto myself so much of the time, protecting myself......maybe I was jealous?

Saturday, February 23, 2002


I wanted to blog about yesterday’s historical event in my life – the baby shower for our second child who is soon to come into the Christian world this April, however I was dumbfounded by this seemingly outdated truth about the meaning of a word “geek” when referring to a person. Gone are the days when you refer a word geek by its original meaning as what this guy (now I don’t know how to call him) painstakingly copied the meaning of a geek from different versions of a Dictionary. It doesn’t need one to consult Mr. Webster what the true meaning of a geek is. If indeed he thinks I mean it well when I referred him as computer geek, then why the fuss of explaining it like I was a moron or an idiot who doesn’t even know the word I used. In all respect, I simply cannot fathom how could he catch the word out of context when it is very clearly stated without any form of ridicule or malice. He admitted he is advanced but why this unimaginable, ridiculous and embarrassing perception? It’s now a geeky world man for all you know. It’s used like a form of mantra already in the world wide web just so you wake up and transcend from that “old school”, conservative view point.

Let me stress that I cannot allow any form of grandstanding or benchlifting here as I think it is downright cheap and foul to include orientation, education, social status or what the heck one has achieved in life to rightly say that he has all the authority to wage a self-proclaimed information campaign at the guise of protecting human dignity to a crowd who are equally or even more capable of showing a myriad of talents or skills. Well, it takes a track record or credibility so as to speak to do such a noble cause . My hair raises at the sight of this unthinkable and unbecoming gesture of someone who looks at other people as bench-sitters and he as a performer. “Do not offend the person by his style but offend the person by his substance.” If truly one speaks with depth and integrity, he will not malign someone’s personal choice to do what he thinks is best for his life and who the the hell cares if someone migrates to the moon or mars and suffer his extinction. Stagnation as what he points out to people who tries his luck in foreign shores is again a selfish justification of his narrow and boxed-in perception. If that is the case, I don’t want to be mean but some of the early settlers in Canada are Chinese people and that you might be very thankful to your ancestors for setting foot also in this country leaving their place of origin to find a greener pasture. You could have not been who you are now. If that is your rationalization, then you better look at your family history. I hate to pinch a single grain of racism here or poke out a racial discrimination because I have great respect for every race and their co-existence.

My intention here is not to vindicate myself or illicit a debate over a petty use of a word “geek” but this to me has not challenged my provocativeness if only to speak with tactfulness and integrity. If you are stranded to exploit the Dictionary everytime a word is used, then you are at a loss my friend. The world is continuously evolving and through the years, our language has evolved too, thus it is not safe to refer every word by its original meaning or context. If I have to elucidate further and confine my discussion on the parameters of the use of the word Geek, here are some bits and pieces for you. Since you used a dictionary to justify your perception, then let me also show you this write-up to counter your thoughts.


author: Tom Ziegler
posted: 2/21/2002

A geek by any other name would smell as sweet. With apologies to Willy "The Bard" Shakespeare, that needs to be amended. In my effort to discover the origin of the word "geek," as in the ... ahem, illustrious dot-com that bears its name, I've been doing some online digging into past issues of magazines and newspapers to see how these words are used. Though by no means a scholarly work to be cited in worthy annals of learning, this research hinted at a usage of both "geek" and "nerd" in our language that is essentially different. It also indicates how the two changed over the past decade.


Which of these two words do you think has the earliest usage? It appears that "geek" outstrips "nerd" by almost 400 years! Seems Mr. Alexander Barclay back in England wrote the following in 1570:

He is a foole, a sotte, and a geke also Which choseth ... the worst [way] and most of ieoperdie [jeopardy]. Why, old Willy used it in Twelfth Night, Scene I, as Malvolio says to Olivia: Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd, kept in a dark house, visited by the Priest, And made the most notorious gecke and gull That e're invention play'd on?

(To further this tiny literature lesson, the famous line "... some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them," is said by the clown a few lines later--end of literature lesson).

As many others have commented, "geek" came to be associated with carnival acts as the "madman" who concluded his performance with the forcible removal of a chicken's head by using just his teeth (sometimes a snake was substituted to add variety). The geek aspect was really coined by the carnival (carnie) folks because the poor stiff so was so down on his luck either by alcohol or drugs that he would be willing do the madman bit. William Gresham made the term popular through the 1946 book Nightmare Alley. By 1962 "geek" still retained its carnie verbiage, but lost the chicken's head. Now the person appears more of a dupe:

He picks up a waitress, a simple girl, and enslaves a "geek," a dumb sideshow stooge whose daily routine consists of being exhibited in a pit, which he has to dig for himself.

Sorry, I don't know the author or published work from whence this came. I'm even sorrier that I can't find references to "geek" for the '70s and '80s without extensive research done the old fashioned way through books. Nonetheless, we know to where it leads.

Another book popularized the term "nerd." None other than Theodore Geissel (a.k.a. Dr. Seuss) wrote about Gerald McGrew's wish to fill the zoo with more unusual beasts, including the Nerd, in his 1950 book If I Ran the Zoo. (Taken from If I Ran the Zoo by Theodor Geisel, copyright 1950.) This is conjecture, of course, but since the term was not found in text till after the publication of this book, where else did it originate?


I consulted a few databases thanks to the online resources of my public library, where I can browse over 1,800 newspapers and magazines for the words "geek" or "nerd." Then I checked to see if the words were used in a negative or positive connotation. Again, this is not conclusive, but I came up with some interesting observations. The word "nerd" is used in a negative fashion, yet it is more akin to being brilliant. "Geek," on the other hand, tends for the longest time to be more of a term of derision. In the 1992 journal Progressive, "geek" was a word used by prison guards to insult the inmates. "Nerd" still held onto its techno-brainy allegory, with it acquiring status as a group moniker for high school students. Those newspapers I browsed which reported on the Columbine High School tragedy in April 1999 had students quoted as saying that the perpetrators were likened to "geeks." Sad commentary indeed, however another interesting phenomenon occurred in 1999-2000 that turned the tables. Yes, I'm referring to the Dot-Com Boom.

In 1999-2001 nearly all of the publications I browsed had "geek" as a positive term, lauding the accomplishments of Web dignitaries such as Jeff Bezos and Marc Andreesen. More interesting was that during this period of 1999-2001 those articles which contained "nerd" used the word in a derogatory manner. Sure, not indicative, but interesting nonetheless. It's like I've always believed: economics rules the world.

So, are we geeks now vindicated? Have we passed the test of time with our heads high, delighted to shout into our cellphones (complete with Web browsing and GPS capabilities, of course), "I'm a Geek, and damned proud of it!" This is probably the concept to describe Kevin, a student, quoted in the magazine Teen, July 1998:

Kevin is also one of the campus brains--and he's smart enough not to let it bother him when kids call him "Poindexter" or "geek."

"They're sitting there laughing--and failing," he says. "I'm getting As and Bs and thinking to myself, 'In 10 years, you'll be making minimum wage and I'll be your boss earning $100,000 a year.'"


I hope this will not in any way ensue a brawl or fistfight just for being a geeky or not. If I referred you as a geek ( I’m not branding or go into stereotyping for God sake) and you vehemently refuse to fit into that description then, I am here to officially denounce that act of putting you to a higher spectrum of today’s Information Superhighway as a geek (as the modern, cool, hip meaning connotes just in case you don’t know). I am not in to describe you again for anything least get a backlashing in my own little way of appreciating your wondrous deeds young as you are. In fairness to you, I think you are way ahead of the race compared to guys of your age. However, let me tell you that it doesn’t make us any different from the rest of the people out there. We have only different lives to live but in totality, we have the same existence in this world and that doesn’t make us any better than others if only equality of human race is indeed present in this sorry world. As a parting shot, I have decided to put this lengthy blog in my own site as I don’t want to mess up LP’s site in fairness and with due respect to my fellow members. Moreso, I do not intend to make LP, a group of multi-talented and admired young people, a venue to feed our egos and a repository for brandishing or tongue-lashing. I have consistently admired the talents and potentials of my fellow LP from the very start and I have a high respect for every human being. It is simply outrageous to think that someone flexes some muscles only to smart out or flambouyantly displays his tucked-in credentials like everyone else is rotten. You can call a man scorned or a whore but that to me is something I would not mind depending who is saying it and how it is said.


Friday, February 22, 2002


My wife has been experiencing stomach pains the past few days. We thought it was just a plain diarrhea or indigestion. Last night, she couldn’t bear the incessant pain running across her bulging stomach (she’s 8 months pregnant to our second child – lucky us..it’s a girl). As a “veteran”(if I may call myself) health advisor (having worked in a health care company and at the same time a professional caregiver), I simply did my job not just being a husband but to remain calm and strong. I have learned to stay unaffected in situations like this as I have gone through taking care of my Mom who got paralyzed due to high blood pressure. In several instances, my son Nico has been brought to a hospital due to asthma and allergies. Now, I feel not as paranoid or shaky than before. Sometimes, I get scared people around me might look at it negatively not showing my true feelings or emotions as it is surely be both emotionally and physically exhausting in the process.

My wife’s urine exam showed that she contracted Urinary Track Infection (UTI) with large amount of puss cells forming clusters already. Pregnant women usually are prone to UTI coz of their inability to wash out bacteria (due to the expansion of their belly) from their urinary tract thus causing infection. Well, she has to be confined and be injected with antibiotic coz its really hard to undergo oral medications as it might complicate her pregnancy. Today, she underwent another ultrasound to check the baby inside which showed that the baby is perfectly okay. I should have objected since it would be my wife’s second ultrasound coz it is not advisable to undergo ultrasound more than once but my instinct prevailed just to make sure my wife and our little angel is safe. Before the morning is over, another Doctor checked my wife again, an Internist who later suggested that my wife undergoes an insulin treatment because she has a rather high (unstable) blood sugar level. This is again purely diagnostic and prevention (which I believe there is a thin boundary between being medically necessary or just for commercial purposes). Well, when you just want the best for your wife and safety is your primary concern for the baby, sometimes you can’t help but subscribe to this dirty fuckin tricks of these vultures who just hide behind the cloak of being a Doctor.

I must be so mean to think about it but in my ten years of working in a Health Maintenance Organization, I have learned to identify what is really medically necessary to control the cost of medication. I may not be a medical practitioner but common sense will dictate that these purely diagnostic examinations are but a money making ventures of these highly commercialized hospitals aside from the fact that they don’t guarantee accurate results.

Last night while I was deep in slumber in my watcher’s couch , the Nurse woke me up instructing me to go down the laboratory but when I reached the ground floor, I was given a request for ECG which I eventually found out that I was not the right person that they wanted to come down. I went up the staircase fuming like hell and when I turned left the alley where my wife’s room is located I met the Nurse who mistakenly woke me up showing no signs of courtesy even just to say sorry. I stared sharply at her like I was to devour her. When I reached the door feeling that it was so insensitive and unbecoming of a Nurse, I slammed the door really hard getting my wife alarmed with the loud bang it caused.

Just this morning our breakfast came with no spoon, fork and a glass. We wondered how could we possibly eat without those amenities not to mention that our room is Private. I was starting to fume again upon reading the guidelines that a Private room includes the admission kit (spoon, fork, glass, etc) and a refrigerator which we cannot see in sight. I was holding my temper not to ruin my day. I wanted to cry out loud but again my built-in emotion-controller-machine prevailed. In fairness to the hospital, they have a large, clean, fully airconditioned private room, the first class hospital that we have in town. After some silent murmurs, I peeped out of the window and saw just before my very eyes that the hospital is undergoing expansion. Isn’t it that they are trying to squeeze their patients pocket to gather enough funds to erect those structures? Gee, I can only take a deep sigh. In this commercial world, everything comes without a free lunch.

At last, she will be discharged tomorrow just in time for our scheduled baby shower at the Davao Convention Center. I could have cancelled the party but I think we just have to push through with it and looks like “the show must go on”. Thanks for all those who said prayers for the immediate recovery of my wife and the baby’s safety. You are all my strength in this trying times but you even made me stronger to realize that God is really so good all the time.

Tuesday, February 19, 2002


I have been marvelling at many thoughts lately and I have this uncanny experience of learning how beautiful life is. Life indeed is so short. Oddly enough, it is much shorter for those whose lives they find meaningful while it is too long for those whose lives they find meaningless.

Now and then, I also ask what meaning has my life really. Often, I feel like I know but at other times, my thinking looks like a useless mental excercise. Life is just so vast, so full of mysteries that before I can put meaning to my life, part of it is gone and the meaning I try putting on it is already partly exhausted.

Life, so it seems. is like a dry sand slipping through my fingers. When I try to hold on to it very tightly, as if squeezing it, it slips away faster. But when I try to cast it away, it sticks on my hands. Sometimes, I think to appreciate life best, one has neither to hold on to it tightly nor to let it go carelessly. The sand in the hourglass is life. It is better to let it flow freely, although not carelessly.

Ricky..My conversations with you are so intensed that makes me wonder about life too. You have the best life as compared to the other people around you. But it doesn't stop you from looking for what makes you happy and fulfilled in your own right. What you are going through is a very normal phase that everyone encounters in life. There seems to be many questions hoovering us but yet, we don't know the answers why? How we take life is often dictated by what priorities we have. We have to prioritize what are the things that last which could have real meaning in one's life.

Now, please take time to view this - http://www27.brinkster.com/maripipian/pulitzer1994.jpg. You will feel how lucky you are and hopefully, this will make you feel good about yourself. I have been taken by strings of loneliness when I saw that but in the end it made me realized how blessed I am. Mind you, i still go back at it from time to time and I can't help but sometimes get depressed.

Sunday, February 17, 2002


To bend or not to bend...

I thought this morning that if religion serves to give orientation to lives, then what happens when the orientation needs to change? Does religion need to bend with me, or do I need to bend religion? Is that why there are so many different sects and denominations, from people bending it? It seems that way. I wonder if it is possible to change the orientation without changing the religion. I think that there is another way of looking at it, outside of bending and not bending.

From Anthony Robbins' book "Ultimate Power"

Every religious book on the planet talks about the power and effect of belief on mankind. People who succeed on a major scale differ greatly in their beliefs from those who fail. Our beliefs about what we are and what we can be precisely determine what we will be. If we believe in magic, we will have a magical life. If we believe our life is defined by narrow limits, we've suddenly made those limits real. What we believe to be true, what we believe is possible, becomes what's true, becomes what's possible.


This brought back memories....or didn't....

My memory is bad and getting worse. This morning I tried to count how many women I’ve slept with. The number I arrived at was three less than the last time I did this, which was several years ago, I think. Instead of going down by three, the number should have gone up by one, so that’s actually four missing women. It’s disturbing. I should say that the total number is not so high as to excuse oversights.

Also, I’ve never been one for casual sex — causal kissing, perhaps, but not casual sex. So again it would seem that the MIAs are probably all women who at one time I really liked and may have even gone out for a few weeks before realizing it wouldn’t work, or vice versa.

It bothers me to have forgotten them. And what it makes me think is that I should write down the names of the ones I do remember, in case I forget them as well.

This seem tacky, doesn’t it, to make such a list?

I think it seems tacky.

But then I picture myself at ninety and I can’t remember a single woman I’ve ever slept with, not even what’s-her-name, the contortionist.

I’m ninety and I think I’m a virgin.

Fuck it, I’m making that list.

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